Low Esteem, Self Worth and Insecurity
I have come to understand that all the people with skin have had a time of feeling “less than”. Being insecure is a real thing! Who sees the great value in themselves, when they don’t understand their worth to others and themselves. Insecurity creates some type of mental and emotional structure in us, where we view ourselves as essentially inadequate. Is that ever true that we are inadequate? No! We have great and untold value. We were created to look and be what we see in the mirror. The sticking point is, we believe the opposite of what the Creator details about us, which often leads to a cycle of external mistreatment from others and internal self-sabotage.
I have met many people over the years who seem to lean more on their feeling of low self-worth. What I have yet to grasp is, why do those thoughts and feelings draw us and point those hurting folks to people who will exploit those emotion, thoughts and feelings? Is there a flashing light or vibrant colored sign that says, “Here I am. Hurt me”?
In its most basic form, insecurity undermines self-esteem, making those individuals feel unworthy of love or respect. When this takes shape and sets up shop in our minds and lives, rotten things start to take place. One of things that often follows a person who hurts in this manner is, they don’t do well with setting boundaries. We all struggle with establishing boundaries, especially with family.
People who doubt themselves may struggle to set boundaries because they fear rejection or disapproval. If we think about this, it can be said about the folks who think they are strong. With either persona, without these "walls," those people are vulnerable to being manipulated, taken advantage of, or mistreated by others. That has been true in the lives of many folks I have loved, befriended and joined in ministerial-type work.
When self-worth is low, harmful behavior from others is often accepted as "normal" or deserved. This is very typical in abusive (marital and sexual only) relationships. When a person (mainly the female) is being abused, my wife and I have learned, will take on average (12) times of leaving the abuser and returning, before the abused leaves for good. This is not only the case of low self-worth but is also of a person being willing to tolerate being disrespected. This is a bad spot for lots of hurt people, because there is little assistance that can be rendered, until that person is fed up. People are ready to assist, but the devalued person is not yet able to see the situation they are in and is unable and sometimes unwilling to call out for help. Fear is part of that level of abuse. This can and often does lead to staying in violent or draining relationships because the individual does not believe they deserve better. The person of insecurity and low self-worth will continue to remain in that emotional, mental and sometimes spiritually damaging state, tolerating the abuser(s).
To compensate for internal feelings of inadequacy, people may become "people pleasers," sacrificing their own well-being and happiness to meet the demands of others. This action feeds the abuser and grants them more power over that person who does not recognize his or her value.
What now?! Have you ever been known to be a self-sabotaging individual? When a person is vulnerable the invitation for folks to hurt them comes from the outside, but the damage can come from our own internal self-destructive behaviors. I am thinking about a certain person right now, and it still saddens me. The behavior that person displayed was unconscious for a while, until it became an awareness that was an outcry for help. That is sometimes when emotional self-harm tries to step into the fray.
Hurting oneself includes constant negative self-talk. The Bridges environment had a discussion last meeting that someone brought up “negative talk against herself”. What does that look like? It is when the hurting (low esteemed) person repeats messages of failure and unworthiness to him/herself. This "quiet form of self-harm" can be as devastating as physical injury.
Self-Sabotage as a forecast has also been associated with people with low self-esteem. These individuals may even harm their own success, such as in their careers or relationships. This outcome will (for them) seem to align their reality with their negative internal beliefs. When the bad outcome happened, even though her or she did not want it to be that way, I have heard people say, “see, this is my life”, not realizing that sometimes, out own speech will derail our faith and outcomes.
In many people, self-destructive behaviors emerge as coping mechanisms or punishment. This often will deepen the emotional wound. Breaking this cycle typically involves learning to set boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and intentionally challenging the negative inner critic.
How do we break free? I don’t truly know of a “one-size/action fits all” answer or response. I know of people who are better but still find themselves in a cycle. The one thing these same people have not truly tried is GOD and the Ways He has for them.
Trusting He, His Son and His Spirit is a big step, but it is a worthy one.
“The righteous cry, and the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones, not one of them is broken”— Psalm 34:17-20
True and complete healing is found in Him. How that looks for YOU, I don’t know. Let’s find out. …TOGETHER!