Who Did I Marry?
Who are you married to? Are all people considered liars, cheats, unfaithful, deceptive from the start? You can’t change them. This is a type of character that is formed by a continual act that comes from a will to do so.
It will take the Power of GOD’s Word to change this character. The Spirit of GOD takes each moment of a person’s life to reveal the truth of what is hurting and/or broken inside (or externally) of that individual.
Are they [that way] liars, cheats, and unfaithful people from the start? In some way, we all know the answer is “No.” However, we people are certainly shaped by external situations, emotions and encounters that will impact stuff. I have a very short list of influences that have the ability to create change in a person, and their choices are made through those inspirations.
Our woundedness influences our responses to another
Our habits influence our decisions
The unhealed trauma influences many emotions
Generational patterns influence us
Spiritual influences are major catalysts
A person’s own choices are influential
Some people learn to hide [deception] and have consistently employed it as survival. I have been on the receiving end of some rather heinous deception. I regrettably acknowledge, I used it when I was a 19 – 20-year-old adult.
Some of us “inherit” deception as it was often seen as a family pattern. Some intentionally choose it because it’s easier than truth. Many cling to it because the clarity of truth would expose their brokenness.
Much of this is at large (available) in our pulpits, which impacts the relationship of the body of Christ.
I have learned that brokenness can explain a person’s behavior, but it will never excuse it. Ya know? A person cannot be made to change. That is a futile venture.
Love won’t do it.
Loyalty won’t do it.
Not even personal sacrifice will do it.
An individual can be sooooo very patient, and not even that will make a dent.
Even if we are faithful at every turn, like “being a good man,” that will not cause her to bat an eye.
Maybe NONE of those important and necessary things can cause a person to NOT want to be messy and relationally toxic. Only GOD’s Word + their willingness can transform a person.
“I thought I could change him/her.” Nope. Now you see that was a “fool’s errand” you were on. A person is unable to “be changed” by another individual because deception is not a surface issue. It’s a will, soul and truth issue.
When I was younger, I was a good liar. I realize that capability is still dormant in me. I have chosen and still must choose not to do that. A liar lies because it is easier.
A liar lies because he or she prefers comfort over truth
A liar lies because he or she fears consequences
A liar lies because he or she wants to control the situation
A liar lies because he or she may be trying to protect an image they have placed out in front
A liar lies because he or she refuses to confront themselves
Those examples are the usual culprits for “the lies.” Unless the Spirit of GOD breaks that pattern, they will repeat it — even if they “feel bad,” even if they “promise to do better.” It WILL keep taking place.
Truthfulness is not an occasion. It’s a continual act of the will; but the Holy GOD has the ability to transform them — undoubtedly. Will He change them? …only if they surrender.
Here is the thing… If you and I are doing anything to deface our character, or, misrepresent our marriage in any manner, the below MUST take place if saving it is what you want to do. Your transformation requires:
conviction
repentance
humility
truth-telling
accountability
dying to self
submitting to the Word of GOD
Most people want relief, but not repentance. Many people desire the benefits of trust without the cost of truth. That’s why so many stay the same. To serve Jesus, a person will change, as they learn to trust Him from the position of submission!
That is a continual act that comes from a will to do so, along with the Power of GOD’s Word. The Spirit of Truth will reveal what is hurting or broken.
The Spirit reveals. The Word convicts. The person must choose. Those choices must be repeated daily. Without that, nothing changes.
Reader, I am not just talking about “people” in general. I am reaching out for the Covenant seekers. Trust is woven all throughout covenants. When we are walking and living according to covenant ways (GOD’s), we must open the door for the pain of repairing what someone else broke. This is what He does. There is a burden of being a man (or woman) who stands in truth while others hide from it. If you look inward, you will find a wound there. There IS a wound tucked behind the face you see. The source of it is hidden and can be healed and renewed.
NOTE: When someone lies, cheats, or deceives, there is always a wound underneath. Always.
These LIES of the wounds whisper “You’re not enough”, “You’ll be punished if you tell the truth”, “You must protect yourself”, “No one will love the real you” and the last one I will use is “You’ll lose everything if you’re honest.”
Those are standard things you will hear in just about any moment of renewal when the person is asked, “What held you back?”
NOTE: The Spirit of GOD does not heal pretending. He heals truth. He heals exposure. He heals confession. He heals the wound beneath the behavior.
The person must be willing to change.
Without (your) willingness, the wound stays buried — and the behavior repeats.
The Spirit of Truth must reveal what is the seen, yet invisible.
Only the Spirit can expose the root, break the cycle, restore the identity and renew a mind. …your mind’s thinking and choice.
Human effort can modify behavior. Only GOD can transform the heart.
Every wound can be healed. Every person can be renewed, but only through the truth, our willingness and the Spirit of Truth.