The Marriage Bond
Since the term “marriage” is not an original Bible term (the French), I set out on the adventure to better understand the concept of a “marriage bond”. Well... It was a type of surety bond that guaranteed two people (often times, a third is included) were legally available to marry each other, free of complications like being legally underage, having too close a genetic relationship, having other extant marriages, etc. It was a monetary pledge or guarantee given to the court by the intended groom and a bondsman to affirm that there was no moral or legal reason why the couple could not be married, and also that the groom would not change his mind.
A marriage bond is legally distinct from a marriage license or a marriage certificate, although all three types of records are used in genealogical research as evidence of marriage. That would be a lengthy process.
Above, we learned that a contractual agreement involving three parties has been dubbed as a “Surety Bond”. As a reminder, the male principal (the party responsible for fulfilling an obligation), the female obligee (the party to whom the obligation is owed), and the surety (the party that guarantees the obligation will be met).
ALL OF THIS serves to guarantee that the principal will fulfill the terms of a contract; if they fail to do so, the surety is financially liable to the obligee.
TODAY, Surety Bonds are often used in various industries to protect against losses and ensure compliance with legal or professional obligations. Now you can somewhat see how marriage is viewed, when it comes to the non-Biblical approach. It is more of a legal financial binding to protect the two people involved.
If a person knew anything about covenants, he/she would see how some of the language would have been taken from the concept of the purpose of the ketubah, in Biblical history of Jacob’s sons, the tribes, when GOD delivered them from the land of Egypt and led them to the mountain.
In Hebrew, the word for marriage is "nisuin". It is derived from the word "kiddushin," which means a sacred or holy union. Another term for marriage is "ownah". According to Torah law, marriage involves two steps: "kiddushin" (betrothal) and "nisu'in" (full-fledged husband and wife). When considering terms and actions that are considered to be of Biblical origins, you must look at the context of it and the culture.
Contextually, the term ‘chathunnah’ is a noun that indicates a wedding or marriage ceremony. The name is rooted in the cultural and religious practices of ancient Israel, where marriage was not only a personal or familial affair but also a community event with significant social and religious implications.
The ceremony of unification (wedding) was a pivotal moment in the life of the community, symbolizing the joining of two families and the continuation of lineage and heritage. The concept encompasses various elements of the wedding celebration, including the betrothal, the procession, and ‘the feast’.
It reflects the covenantal nature of marriage as understood in the Hebrew Scriptures, where matrimony is seen as a sacred bond instituted by El Shaddai, the El Who delivered them. The term is closely related to the role of the bridegroom, chathan and the bride, highlighting the mutual commitment and joy associated with the marital union. (see Song of Solomon 3:1-11)
Call it selfish, or call it wise, but many people choose not to Marry?
If the man and woman choose to do all the things that are already showing the world that they are practicing the offices of the covenant, should they tie (secure) the knot, or leave it as slip (knot) tie?
Make a Stopper Knot! (go look into that one)
People have their reasons for not doing so. There are major problems that arise when children enter the picture of relational attachment, and the children start asking questions. When morality hits and they question their parents, that could be a bit sticky, should there be a split. Oh, what messes can build then!
While marriage can be a wonderful and fulfilling experience for many people, it is not right for everyone. Being single would be a rather straining and stress-filled choice.
There are several reasons why marriage might not be a good idea for some individuals:
Personal freedom is needed, but not a total game-breaker. Marriage requires a significant commitment of time, energy, and resources. It can also involve giving up some personal freedom and autonomy. The sacrifices required by marriage may outweigh the benefits, or some people. Marriage, the environment where self-sacrifice and servanthood should always be out front.
Compatibility is a MUST for a marriage to be successful. It is important for the two individuals to be well-matched. If two people have very different values, goals, or interests, it can be difficult for them to build a strong and lasting relationship. THIS IS SOMETHING YOU WILL SEE and KNOW WHILE DATING, not something that SUDDENLY appears as the marriage matures.
EVERY relationship has its challenges, and marriage is no exception. If a couple is already having problems in their relationship, such as communication issues or trust issues, getting married may not (usually will not) solve those problems and could even make them worse. If you are experiencing relationship problems early on, and do not seek and work to get them resolved, divorce should it happen should not be a surprise to you.
In some cases, individuals may feel pressure to get married from their family, friends, or personal society. If they are not ready for marriage or do not want to get married, DON’T!
Marriage can be expensive, especially if a couple decides to have a big wedding or move into a new home together. The cost of marriage may not be worth it, especially if they are happy with their current financial situation. Please make the needed financial considerations.
If we surveyed a balanced mix of women and men for their reasons “why people choose to get married”, they will likely include some of the following. Feel free to look over the selections below and test the theory.
Companionship (‘free’ sex)
Lifelong commitment
Legal benefits
Social recognition
Personal growth
Family building
Financial stability
Tax breaks
Medical insurance
Religious or cultural reasons
Love
Security (physical and emotional)
Children (already in the picture)
Covenant is a commitment to which we maintain trust and fidelity until separated by death. In a covenant, we put the needs of the relationship ahead of our own needs, humbly serving each other much as Christ serves the people who have set themselves apart to build a forever and committed relationship with Him.
Marriage is a contract, an agreement between two or more parties. Marriage is the most familiar example in our culture, but almost anything that requires two signatures can be considered a kind of covenant.
In a traditional or "contract" marriage, a couple need only purchase a marriage license, obtain two witnesses, and have a state-licensed agent to perform the ceremony. In a covenant marriage, parties may only seek legal separation or divorce for limited reasons.
Covenant unions (especially today) require pre-marital counseling as well as counseling prior to filing for divorce. Per Scripture, “GOD HATES divorce”. Moses permitted divorce under certain circumstances (see Deut 24:1–4)
A contract is broken when the checklist of terms is broken. By contrast, while a covenant can be broken, the break is less clear because the focus is not on stipulations but on the quality of relationship.
Sexual desires blossom during puberty and increase as the body matures. The sexual desires themselves are not wrong. They are part of developing into a healthy man or woman. What we do about those desires determines whether or not they lead to sin.
With his assertion that it is better to marry than to burn, Paul sounds a warning for those caught in the progression toward sin. Long engagements, young teen dating, and “make out” sessions between dating couples are all ways that temptation can start “burning.”
First Thessalonians 4 also addresses the need to control our passions: “It is GOD’s will that you should be sanctified. How? …by avoiding sexual immorality (not an easy quest). We are all required to learn to control our own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know GOD; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before, for GOD did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.”
Once more, after puberty kicks in and our imaginations, along with the hormonal push starts to rage, it becomes a rough battle to control our bodies. We are in danger of allowing the natural sexual drive to turn into lust—or causing someone else to be filled with lust.
Honestly, this DOES NOT get any easier, as we get older. Even in marriage, the sin of LUST can take its grip. It is always time to seek GOD’s guidance in finding a spouse; and/or talking to your spouse, if you are already married.
If one does not desire to honor the “leave and cleave” aspect of Scripture, then some real-life choices are to be discussed and made. Either way, legal stuff will always come into play, when possessions and children are entered into the equation.
Battles are still fought over whoever thinks they have the rights over the land (children) they both occupy (love) or want. Wars are destructive. No?
A covenant is often the best way to approach any melding. Contracts or nothing at all are easily torn and broken.