The Cons of NOT Committing to Marriage

Many people choose to remain unmarried. Maybe it’s a fear of commitment. Maybe it is the shear fact that uncertainty will often rule.

Staying single can be a conscious, empowering choice.

That one choice can and will often align with personal values, lifestyle preferences, or long-term goals. I knew at age (18) I wanted to get married. I had a plan. They did not work out, but I had a rough draft in my mind.

We all have met people (men and women alike) who live to marry and have a family. However, on the flip side of that coin, is the group of folks who want nothing to do with tying the knot. 

I am not a believer in pushing people to marry just to marry, but I also am not for sex before marriage.  I did not always have that focus, as I was not a virgin when I became a husband, sadly enough. I just did not know that it was an issue until I became a follower of Christ at 21 years of age.

Being single and unsexed is a difficult place to stay, even if that is a definite hard stance.

Here are some compelling reasons I found why people “choose to remain single”:

I know of someone I believe would benefit from marriage, but right now, I am not certain that this individual is prepared to sustain her side of the relationship. She is not emotionally ready for such a commitment. Being alone is tough and certainly has been for her, but she is waiting for her husband. Her personal growth and independence have been great for her maturation, as it would be for any male or female.

Someone has said, “freedom to explore” offers singles more time and flexibility to pursue passions, travel, and try new experiences. I can agree with that. What happens if your life has not afforded you the finances or true freedom to explore those things?  What then?

Without the influence of a partner, individuals may gain deeper insight into their own desires, strengths, and boundaries. This is where self-discovery comes into play. We all need to find out who we are and learn to stand up and not fall so frequently. Self-assurances are needed to help a person “know” him/her identity.

What about the autonomy that many people seek?  Remember when you were living with your parents and by their rules? You longed for the freedom you thought would make you stronger. When you experienced it, you had no idea what to do with it. You realized that you actually were a better version of yourself, when sharing the decisions—big or small—with someone else. Sure. You can make choices by yourself, and you can act with the independence you crave when sharing that same independence without compromise, but with a level of concession with a mate.

Being single is good, but it is not all it is made out to be.

Building your own world with no one to share it with can be a bit of an emotional roller coaster. Sure. …of course, anyone can have a “live-in”, but that usually comes with no strings and one of you can leave whenever you want. Right? Is that what a person really needs or desires from someone they love.  Will the relationship really be THAT OPEN?

What would be your relational trade-offs? You know, the gains and losses we experience when choosing one type of relationship structure over another—whether it's marriage, long-term partnership, casual dating, or staying single. Each path offers unique benefits but also comes with arrangements.

What about the lack of long-term security? Would that not be one of the most significant relational trade-offs when choosing not to commit to marriage or a formal long-term partnership? I would think that without the official commitment of marriage, relationships may feel more temporary or uncertain.

Some single partners may hesitate to fully invest emotionally if there's no clear long-term commitment. That is a sure sign of reduced emotional investment ripping you apart in time. Yeah, this can happen if you are married as well, but the emotional despair usually would not be there, unless one or both of you are immature to be in the marriage in the first place.

What about building shared goals as a single person without true fixed commitment or attachment? Marriage often serves as a framework for planning life together—children, finances, retirement. Without it, alignment can be harder to maintain.

Not committing to marriage can offer freedom and flexibility, but it may also lead to emotional, legal, and social drawbacks—especially as life circumstances evolve.

Here’s a breakdown of the potential cons of remaining unmarried:

Without a committed partner, some individuals may experience feelings of isolation, especially in later life. I have read that studies suggest that married individuals often report better mental health and lower rates of depression compared to their single counterparts.

Isolation during crises is one of the more painful consequences of not having a committed partner—especially in moments when emotional, logistical, or medical support is critical.

What about grief? Without a life partner, individuals may lack consistent emotional support during the loss of a loved one. This doesn’t mean singles or unmarried partners are doomed to face crises alone—but it does highlight the importance of building strong support networks, legal safeguards, and community ties.

Every person will make a choice to be joined for a lifetime with another as a spouse (male and female), or not.

Which one makes the most sense for life?