Marital & Relational Destructive Behavior
There are many things in a marriage that one of the spouses can do to destroy it. However,
Here is something I found from some known counseling literature available to the public.
It was no surprise what was shared. We all should know this stuff, yet we fall prey to it. I would say, it is selfishness that drives the vehicle of marriage, when what should be in charge would be its nemesis.
“The most destructive component to a marriage is the breakdown of trust and emotional safety, often caused by infidelity, dishonesty, or contempt.” Yeah… I know every one of you had that answer bubble filled in. The problem is addressing these issues.
I often say, “you can only hide the real you for 3-6 months.” If he or she sees your flaws before then, good for you.
However, if you are still faking it after that, there are some big problems ahead.
There should be few people saying, “I never knew he/she was a liar or cheat. After (6) months in that relationship “job”, and you “don’t see” the signs, you are choosing to ignore what you see as truth, and you are only thinking with your emotions or sexual organs.
If you two are exchanging information early on through honest communication, mutual respect, and prioritizing the relationship, this can and often will help prevent irreparable harm.
(‘EXPERT’ source) lists the Breakdown of Trust (Infidelity and Dishonesty) as #1
Infidelity is consistently cited as one of the most destructive forces in marriage. When one partner is unfaithful, it breaches the fundamental trust that the relationship is built upon, leading to deep emotional pain, loss of security, and often, the breakdown of the marriage itself. Dishonesty—whether about affairs, finances, or feelings—creates cracks that can quickly become chasms.
(‘EXPERT’ source) lists Poor Communication as #2
Many experts call poor communication the “silent killer” of marriages. When couples stop sharing openly, misunderstandings and resentment build up. This can manifest as criticism, contempt, stonewalling (shutting down), and defensiveness.
(‘EXPERT’ source) lists Neglect and Emotional Disconnection as #3
Emotional neglect—being physically present but emotionally unavailable—leads to loneliness and a sense of being unvalued. Over time, this erodes intimacy and connection, making the marriage vulnerable to further problems.
(‘EXPERT’ source) lists Contempt and Disrespect as #4
Contempt (mockery, sarcasm, or treating a partner as inferior) is especially toxic. Research shows that contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce, as it destroys the sense of partnership and safety in the relationship.
When we add to this cesspool of pain and irregular honesty the likes of spiritual infidelity and emotion dishonesty, the time bomb in the corner of the kitchen is ticking louder and louder. Consider that spiritual betrayal/adultery refers to turning away from a committed relationship with GOD—often by prioritizing other things (idols, self-will, worldly pursuits) above Him and His Ways. What if you add to that a strong history of failing to honor the Covenant relationship established with Him.
Being around dishonest people is already a tough adventure, but when your spiritual leadership or believing spouse is worldly and deceitful, that is another ballgame and you are in the wrong park. All of that involves being insincere or deceptive in one’s relationship with GOD. How long with that pretending to follow GOD outwardly while harboring disobedience, pride, or hidden sin inwardly go on? …and being ignored?
I will emphasize, “the breakdown of trust and emotional safety”. When spiritually distorting the Word of GOD, neglecting the Word of GOD, or disregarding His Word is the name of the game, deeper problems exist.
Relationships are tough already, but when individuals reshape GOD’s Teachings to suit their own preferences, or fail to honor the integrity of His Word, it creates distance and undermines trust in the relationship. That INLCUDE the place of worship.
This is certainly a form of spiritual infidelity and dishonesty—because it breaks the trust and covenant that are meant to define the relationship.
In the Bible, marital and spiritual infidelity are often described as “adultery” against GOD (see the book of Hosea), where turning to other gods or idols is likened to unfaithfulness in marriage. GOD calls His people to wholehearted devotion and truthfulness, both in belief and in practice. …and so does your spouse to your marriage bed and emotional bond.
Spiritual infidelity and dishonesty break the covenant relationship with GOD, causing loss of intimacy, integrity, and the relationship’s spiritual vitality.
There IS a cure! Restoration comes through repentance, renewed commitment, and honoring GOD’s Word in both heart and action, for BOTH Him and your marriage.
Here are ONLY a few consequences that will eventually make their way into your relationship, as these destructive behaviors continue:
Loss of Intimacy with GOD: Just as marital infidelity breaks trust and closeness, spiritual infidelity creates distance from GOD, making it difficult to experience His Presence and guidance.
Erosion of Integrity: Spiritual dishonesty leads to a divided life—outwardly religious but inwardly disconnected, which undermines genuine faith and spiritual growth.
Vulnerability to Further Drift: Once the foundation of trust and honesty with GOD is compromised, it becomes easier to justify further disobedience or neglect, leading to spiritual stagnation or decline.