The LORD Keeps Us (When Family is the Hurt You Have)

The importance of a good family nucleus of trust, respect and communication cannot be overstated. The familial support foundation will reach great distances. Many joys stem from family and as we all may have experienced, so does pain and frustration.

Dealing with family issues often involves a mix of communication approaches, setting boundaries, self-care, and, at times, seeking professional help. The best approach depends heavily on the specific situation, but the main focus is often on managing your own responses and mental health. That right there can be a tall order for some people.

Dealing with family issues often involves a mix of communication strategies, setting boundaries, self-care, and, at times, seeking professional help. The best approach depends heavily on the specific situation, but the core focus is often on managing your own responses and mental health.

Setting clear boundaries is a “must do” but many do not know how or want to do it. That too causes more friction and misunderstanding. We feel that we have the liberty to give our input into another’s affairs.  That is often a bad move—especially of input was not requested. Eek!

If an individual can (is willing to) identify their limits and communicate them clearly and assertively use the "I" statements, your self-defense will probably be better swallowed. Either way, be consistent with these boundaries, and be prepared for some initial pushback. Some people are unexplainably pushy.

I’m smiling right now because, even when people try to practice active listening, somehow, they forget what they are attempting to accomplish, lose their way and become interrupters.

What was that I was trying to get accomplished?

One of the best ways anyone can improve their communication is modeling it. Active listening means “giving your full attention, not interrupting, and acknowledging others' emotions.” This is nothing new, but it is a tough go, if you feel you are not being heard. Hubby and wifey try that communication thing and put “those listening ears on”. Consider what you are trying to relay. Work at staying calm and respectful, even during disagreements, and focusing on the current issue rather than rehashing past conflicts.

That last statement has also been around in therapy session for eons!

What if a family situation (reunion or get-together) becomes overwhelming…? Do you know that it really is okay to physically remove yourself from the argument? NOTHING gets resolved if no one is listening, or if feelings are getting trampled on. Take a walk, go to another room, or use deep-breathing exercises to calm down before re-engaging.

Fighting with family is the worst. Why is that?! Everyone wants to be a grown-up and solve the problem, but what about acknowledging and recognizing what that problem would be.

Work collaboratively to find a path forward. Instead of pointing fingers, ask questions like "How can we move forward?" to shift the focus toward constructive solutions.

Family issues can be stressful, so it's important to prioritize your well-being. Even as a grown-up sibling or previously “close” cousins, we can't control the behavior of others, only your own reactions. Sometimes, the best strategy is to accept that some family members may not change and adjust your interactions accordingly.

Oh boy! There are always stories!  There are some family issues that are too complex or deeply rooted to resolve on your own. Many problems have been around since Moby Dick was a minnow!

How do you cope with a misunderstanding, money issue or disagreement on how to handle something rather simple? Is there a coping strategy for that? Learning how to work through the impact of family dynamics is quite a chore, if sanity is not in the room, or if GOD is not the center, or even in the room.

Are YOU the missing GOD-like piece?

Signs of unhealthy family dynamics often involve consistent patterns of poor communication, lack of boundaries, and emotional or physical abuse/neglect that prevent family members from feeling safe or developing healthy relationships.

Poor or ineffective communication is often marked by yelling, silence, passive aggression, or a refusal to discuss problems. Who is going to say to the person who is displaying all of those attributes? Is it one person, or many? Sometimes….there is often no safe space to express thoughts and feelings freely. That right there is one of the keys or signs of an unhealthy family dynamic that needs to change—somehow.

Are YOU the missing GOD-like piece?

Walking through family struggles is a tough and very touchy time. We can try to keep our distance, but we need the Lord's assistance. If you are a faithful follower of Christ, ultimately, GOD "keeps" His children by helping them to stand firm in their faith in every situation. We are not allowed to lose focus or control.

We can offer an eternal perspective that the current situation has not been considered.

There is and has always been a struggle in families. Why?  People are in them. A reality is, GOD "keeps" His children during family problems by not by always removing the difficulties, but by providing His constant Presence, Wisdom, Peace, and a supportive community to navigate the challenges, if that are wanted. Usually, feelings and the flesh get in the drivers’ seat and logic no longer has a seat in the car.

Providing the Shalom that exceeds the situation is what “GOD does”! That is just one of the He support His children. The Word of the LORD demonstrates that when believers pray and give their worries to the LORD, they can experience "the Shalom of the Living GOD, which surpasses all perception" (Philippians 4:6-7). When dealing with life’s insecurities, we need that assurance. When in conflict with family, having the Spirit supplied inner calm helps faithful individuals manage emotional turmoil even when their family environment is chaotic.

Everyone with a family will likely have family problems. Discontent of most any kind can lead to feelings of rejection. In all of that whirlwind, our Faithful Father "keeps" His children by reminding them of their inherent worth and His unwavering Love, which is not based on family approval or performance (Romans 8:38-39). Achieving the type of love that an individual needs to feel safe can sometimes be a tough get, if we are not on the same page with one another.

When we are faced with complex family conflicts, the Bible shows the process of what to do to clear things up.  It encourages believers to ask GOD for Wisdom, from He Who "gives generously to all without finding fault" (James 1:5). What to do. What to do.  If we are not seeking His Guidance, it will only add to the woes of the situation.

What if the believers sought “to be tenderhearted to one another, forgiving each other, just as in the Messiah, His Father forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32). GOD always provides the strength to forgive, which frees individuals from bitterness and opens the door to healing, even if full reconciliation is not immediately possible. However, reconciliation is what we should seek.

Biblical principles for guiding interactions within a difficult family center on love, humility, forgiveness, healthy communication, and seeking restoration while trusting the Father’s will for the outcome, is always going to be the end goal. …at least it should be!

By applying GOD-like Principles, a follower of Christ can navigate difficult family dynamics in a way that honors the LORD, even if the desired outcome of full reconciliation is not immediately achieved.