Be a Bridge. Build Good and Lasting Friendships

I want to build good and lasting friendships. I have some long-lasting relationships from faraway places, but they are only over the telephone. I have one that started in 1999 in Korea, and I’ve only seen her once since then. However, we’ve maintained all of these days. I’ve mentioned her over the years to my wife and a few years ago, she finally met her. It was like a mini reunion. Building and deepening intimacy with people—whether romantic, platonic, or familial is one of the most rewarding parts of life. It’s not just about closeness; it’s about feeling truly seen, known, and valued. This lady was nice then, but after we lost a close buddy to a heart attack, we reconnected, and we’ve stayed linked since then.

Developing a trust-filled association is like tending to a garden—it requires patience, consistency, and care. Trust isn’t given; it’s earned, moment by moment.

In a world of instant messages, the slow, deliberate craft of building deep relational bonds often gets overlooked.

I have a few close friends.

There is one fella I met in military technical school, when I was eighteen and he was 19.  I had just passed a test, and he had just failed one. We encouraged each other and several weeks later, he arrived at the base where I was stationed.  That was in 1986. We are close still today. He lives in the “dirty south” and I live in the “buckle of the Bible Belt.” We are very different from one another, but we love each other as brothers. As a statement of fact, my family adopted him as a brother and son.

Build intentionally!

• Practice presence by making eye contact and listening like it matters—because it does.

• Ask real questions.

• Be consistent because trust isn’t built in grand gestures, it’s built in showing up, again and again.

• Honor the messy. Why is that? Real relationships are imperfect.

I have another close “brother” friend. I met him while on a different trip to Korea. We bonded IMMEDIATELY over truth and openness. During our initial encounter, we discussed our sins and struggles. That opened us up to more truth and in the next (6) months, the LORD built something between us that has only been surpassed by only one more dude.

This particular relationship is one of depth and great care! He and I are always in a Bible Study of some manner. After we take about two weeks to study that topic/Scripture passage, we share and encourage one another. I have watched the LORD’s Spirit move in him and have had a window seat to his growth and maturation. The bond we share with the Word of GOD being the hook has been strong and very valuable to my life.

We even do pedicures together. You know, the manly stuff.

Our friendship is balanced and evermore changing to become what the ADONAI of our souls mentioned in John 17.

I have only a couple soul knitted friends.

Relational intimacy with people is defined as “a deep sense of closeness, connection, and trust that grows through repeated experiences of vulnerability, honesty, and mutual acceptance. It is a vital component of fulfilling relationships.” I like it! 

Intimacy is not limited to physical touch but encompasses multiple dimensions of a relationship. 

Emotional intimacy involves the open and honest sharing of your inner world, including your feelings, fears, and dreams. It requires a safe space built on trust, empathy & sympathy, and acceptance, where both parties can be vulnerable without fear of judgment. I have another buddy or two that I can add to this realm.

I have another environment I am connected to that is without a doubt my favorite and strongest.  That one is with my closest and most intimate sister in Messiah. She is my wife. She makes me a better man because of who she is on the inside. She is complete in multiple ways because she builds me up in conducts that I never knew I needed but somewhat thought I wanted.

Together, my wife and I walk with and share in a rather intellectual group of folks called Bridges to the Community. Just like me and the pedicure brother, this environment has some wide and long-ranged Biblical discussions. All of them are based on curiosity, hurts and past struggles.  That group is meant to be one of support and fellowship. We meet twice per month, and it is and has been unlike no other Bible Study I have attended. I really like being with those folks. People travel in from 1.5 – 2 hours to spend time with one another, over coffee, the Bible, tea and our study notes. That space is safe and very dynamic! We’ve watch GOD restore a marriage, help the broken and rejected and the hope is that together, we ALL will be part of other people heal from their injuries as well.  He can do it, but we need to “invest in our own restoration”.

This intellectual intimacy we share is immeasurably valuable to the hurting and lonely. Bridges connects a group of individuals through the mutual exchange of ideas, beliefs, and opinions. This type of connection can only be built through stimulating conversation and respectful disagreement, which shows that we value each other's perspectives. Our time together around the Words of GOD has built spiritual affection.

Building and deepening intimacy with people is an ongoing process that requires intentional effort from everyone involved. It is much like the very intentional word we do in the Bridges space. We create a safe, non-judgmental or critical environment where all of us can express our authentic self. Let me tell you, it is a lot of work!

Over the span of my life, I have shared many of my deepest and most vulnerable feelings, hopes and fears. I always encourage people around me to do the same. Why is that? It helps. I often say, “I ain’t skurrd” to share.

Listen actively and with sympathy and empathy. Pay close attention to what the other person is saying without interrupting or planning your response. Aim to understand their perspective and authorize their feelings to show you care. That is what is called, spending quality time together.”

I saw this placard that read, “It takes a lifetime to build lasting friendships.” Be one somebody can trust!

I want to build good and lasting friendships. Do you? Are you willing to make the effort and put in the time?